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NO.L.C.C. My Page, With Mr. Boysonn Hello, Everybody. I sure hope everyone had a good month. I did but, boy, do I have a beef!!! My little cousin, Eddy, came into town with his band, Hardly a Smell, and as luck would have it they got a show at the last minute at a club downtown. He was sooooo excited to be playing music here for his big cousin to see. He called the club to get the details and found out he couldn't play the show because he was only 20 years old. Well, I got right steamed and demanded to know why. I don't know if you know about this, but there is a thing called the O.L.C.C. Apparently these people think they can tell anybody what they can and cannot do. Humph!! I asked my roommate what he knew about it and there is just so much information that I asked him to write it down for me so we can put it the magazine. So he wrote this month’s column for me. Hope you don't mind. Heeeeeeeeere's Andrew: So, Kid wants me to explain what the OLCC is. The OLCC is a group of five citizen volunteers, each representing a congressional district, appointed by the governor, which decides how you and I can sell and consume alcohol at public and private events. On the current commission are two insurance agents, a contracts manager for PGE, a fund-raiser, and a graduated lawyer of Brigham Young University. Yadda, Yadda. For more information check it out online or write to MLP. They are more than happy to send you any information you may want. So, what does this have to do with music? Up until recently, not much. I know this isn't exactly breaking news, but in January of this year the OLCC effectively banned minors from performing in venues that serve alcohol in order to protect them from potentially hostile environments. It seems the primary target is the under 21 strip club dancer, but the same rules also apply to working musicians. The OLCC tells us that it will provide permits, on occasion, to forgo these restrictions. However, it freely admits the chance of a club getting such a permit is not a likely scenario. Doesn't the live music scene for kids already suck? What's next? And then, in August of last year, the OLCC, with its "if it involves alcohol, it's our jurisdiction" stance, apparently, on the merits of its own sense of morality, decided that any performer (read: strippers) can not make "lewd" gestures on stage during a performance, e.g. touching ones own naughty bits and such. "Lewd", incidentally, has yet to be defined, and as far as I am concerned, it never should be. Isn't it enough that we fundamentally repress our 40-plus-hour-a-work-week selves into being sex-crazed alcoholics? What, are they going to start fining Dante's because Storm oh-so suggestively licks a microphone stand? Or Berbati's Pan because some dude from the Goddamn Gentlemen grabs his crotch in standard rock and roll defiance? I know I may be going a bit far with the analogies but maybe not. It seems that in order for the OLCC to justify its antiquated, prohibition-era existence it must, from time to time, create some new law that gets enacted so people are fined, money exchanges hands and everyone goes home happy. Everyone except all the people they are trying to protect: the musicians, the dancers, and the patrons of the establishments that pay their freaking salaries. What new law will they have to come up with next in order to keep themselves from washing away into general obscurity? These people are just that: people. The names, numbers and information of its members are all online. For example, the newly appointed district one, Portland commissioner is the owner of the Virginia Cafe. See, it's not the elephant in the living room. And I agree, the cessation of consumption is a healthy, good-for-you kind of thing. I, myself, could stand to curb my intake a little. Thank you, OLCC, for letting me see the error of my ways. But maybe it's time to congratulate yourself on a job well done and take a well deserved vacation. Relax... have a drink. Cheers.
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