Not Unpositive

It wasn't until today that I realized that your magazine thrives on negativity. I'm very sorry for you.

-Amy Veccione

Ed.. Thank you for your letter, Amy! We here at MLP always appreciate any thoughts and comments our readers have. We are actively looking into this “negativity” that you mention to determine what it is and what it does and, more importantly, can we use it to fuel our automobiles. And thank you soooo much for referring to us as a “magazine” instead of a ‘zine or rag. We find such praise so much more uplifting. I guess we’re doing something right! Thanks again, Amy.

Can someone tell Mason West that he should try a different anti-depressant, because the one he's on right now doesn't seem to be working. Also tell him that I hope he falls in a well and is stuck at the bottom for three days and before the firemen come to rescue him, leeches suck all the blood out of his legs and the he has to spend the rest of his life with no feeling in his legs.
And then get a new music reviewer. Every review he wrote is negative. Negative reviews of little bands that no one has ever heard of only serves to make the writer look important. Who needs this kind of negativity about unheard of bands' demos?
And I'm not just saying this because he dissed my band. I used to write record reviews and stopped for a good reason... I felt like all I was doing was trying to make myself look cool and feel important. It didn't work.
Not that I think writing record reviews is a bad thing to do, its just a waste of printing space and time to publish negative reviews of records no one has ever heard of and therefore probably won't read anyway. Otherwise, I really respect what you guys are doing and am glad the magazine exists.

-James Squeaky

Mason West Responds: Mr Squeaky is spot on when he says it is a waste to publish bad reviews of music people haven't heard of. However, it is the stated purpose of Music Liberation Project to review any and all CDs received. In a perfect world, each CD would be reviewed by someone who enjoys it, but that becomes an issue of time and staffing. Maybe there will come a time when MLP picks and chooses which CDs to review but, to my mind, ignoring music, good or bad, doesn't help anybody.

Axis of Evil Theory

Fucking A, Evil Kramer! Or should I write, "Fucking B"? Or, rather, should you have written fucking B? Or, rather, you should have written fucking B rather than fucking F when you were talking about the note that falls a half step away from C! You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about your news breaking article on the major scale. I'm talking about you disseminating the misinformation within the portland music community that there exists only a half step between the notes "C" and "F". Only a half step, Evil Kramer?! More like a perfect fucking fourth! Shit. It's like you wouldn't know the difference between a phrygian cadence and a plagal cadence even if it cadenced itself right on your evil ass!
And please: the major scale!!! What connoisseur of musical theory (and please don't flatter yourself thinking that anyone other than a theory geek is going to be reading your column) hasn't heard of the goddamn major scale? What the people want from you, Evil Kramer, is some of that tritone substitution shit! You know what I'm saying? Something real. Or, like, an explication of the differences between a French augmented 6th chord and a Swiss augmented 6th chord. Now that's some fucking theory, Evil Kramer. Not this major-scale-half-step-between-C-and-F bullshit. Please come with something a little stronger next issue, Evil Kramer, because there's nothing evil about bad theory.

sincerely yours,
-Paul J. Alcott

Evil Kramer writes: Do you remember the first time you discovered that the major scale and the minor scale were related? Or how you could utilize a diminished arpeggio over a V7 chord before returning to the I?
The goal of my column is not to rehash already understood theory, like five day old leftovers, but rather breathe new life into the potatoes and eggs that may not be a fully palatable meal, in one sitting. I wish to add the curry, the paprika, and the dash of sage to the otherwise hard to swallow, dry goods that is western music theory. And one must start somewhere, mustn’t one?
I acknowledge the error in the explication of the half step between C and B and, I assure you, that particular intern has been properly reprimanded. Thank you for pointing out an obvious typographical error. MLP encourages you to continue to read and critique my column as they also desire a properly educated populace.
If you can forgive the current column, which will wrap up the lessons of the last two, I will dedicate the following column to this tritone substitution that you speak of in the next Evil Kramer's Theory Corner.

Still Thriving After All These Years

Regarding the Zach Dundas interview: why, oh why, would you waste your precious resources of time, ink, paper and distribution on the former music editor who admits to writing reviews on bands he didn't listen to, who didn't talk to industry people unless they were "friendly" and "low-pressure," and briefly talks about "filling space" and having no shows to list?
And while he says in a roundabout fashion that he doesn't like to feel hustled, and assumes the phrase "hot up-and-coming-band" is an outlandish claim used by those who have it bestowed upon them by moms and girlfriends, he also lets us know about his own work habits when "the deadline's approaching”, and I quote, "more of an ad hoc decision I would make every Wednesday or Thursday". So, he didn't prepare, he didn't listen to the music, he only spoke with people who took "the right approach". And in a city with live blues, jazz, rock, folk and more, playing seven nights a week and whose own publication lists over 70 clubs featuring live music (every week) he can't find anything to write about or shows to list. Wow--stellar work ethic.
And speaking of ethics, why does he mention "journalistic ethics?" It's clear from his own admissions that he didn't do the job he was hired to do and when he did do it, he did things no ethical reporter or EDITOR would consider. Thank you MLP for bringing to light the disgraceful injustice Zach Dundas and the Willamette Week served out to our music community. And thank God we're still thriving in spite of it.

-Noah Peterson

Ed. Because. You’re welcome.

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